UNEXPLAINED CONTRADICTION...
Today I AM disturbed and feeling sad
for a 3 year old kid, a pregnant wife of 30 years and for the and
for the person whose lying today on death bed and I was felling
helpless,there loss Is unmeasurable and unimaginative . I am not sure
how to put this in words but the loss here about which I am talking
about is not only the loss of life but a loss of humanity, a loss of
life and moreover a loss of a warrior.
Months back,when I saw Aman lying in
the bed helpless I was in tears and was trying to comprehend what a
person like Aman would be going through right now who has given
everything for his beloved people but now that same person I lying
there In front of me helplessly seeking for death to come . Few day
back when I got a news from his wife that his heart ceased and he
finally died completely. I didn't know what to say to her . It was
for the first time in my life that I was dumbstruck and was fumbling
for words today I lost a friend a brother and a person whom I had
admired the most in my life.
Aman was a dear friend of mine since
the school time . I would rather say he was a person a perfect
balance of a friend and family . I Being orphaned at a very early age
never came to know about the comfort and meaning of family , till the
time I met Aman in my formative years of school. I began visiting his
house and came to know how a person called mother (ma) feels, how
mother cares for the child, till than I never felt I was deprived by
the nature from any comfort of life but suddenly this new definition
of family and mother flabbergasted me and annihilated my kingdom
comfort.. Aman knew the loss of a parent , he lost his father in
the militant attack Lal Chowk firing in 1993 ,when he was in his
Shikara a wild bullet struck in his head and he was dead on the spot.
Aman was of 8 years then when the misfortune befallen on him and hi
mother , his mother used to work on the shikara aftermath and used to
earn a meager income . The rate of deterioration of the social
condition of valley and economic condition of Aman's home was same .
It felt like valley had deep relation with Aman . Being a person who
has seen difficulties of life he was close to the realities . He was
focused in studies, because for him studies were the only way by
doing which he could get a good job and could help his mother.
MOVING AHEAD IN THE TIME FRAME:-
It was my 20th birthday Aman
came to me he was not looking well and his face was ashen-ed , pale
and looked the Same when he got the new of his father's death. I
half-jokingly asked him “who died?why are you looking pale and
sick?”. He saw me right in my eyes and told nobody died but is
dying as we are talking. I asked him to explain me what he was
talking about. Yar amijaaan …...... he started crying ,asked what
happened to Amijaan? He was crying for quite a time unable to speak I
grabbed his shoulders and shook him hard asked him what damn happened
to Amijaan?
He was again mute just the muffled
cries were coming from his throat .i could no longer restrain myslef
to know what happened to Ammijan so I ran towards his house
towards_cheeni chowk . From quite a distance I saw black smoke rising
in the sky,people hurling and running for buckets of water , I
couldn't believe what I was seeing I wanted to get faint,to die, to
wake up from a bad dream all at a same time. But I want prepared to
see the next thing I turned towards hi house and it was visible now
form the Khan Bazar Road. The houses in the Aman's colony were
burning in the high flames and people were trying to douse the fire .
I ran at my fast pace , I was running nreathlesssly towards his
house. Uddenly I felt jolted and I got tripped over something , I
tried to stand up again but my hand slipped watching in the direction
of Aman's house I never noticed why I tripped what was the thing on
which I tripped . People came to my rescue they wiped of dust from my
white kurta but the thing they could'nt wipe and will not be able to
wipe from my mind was the human blood on my white kurta I fainted
the second I saw the thing on which I tripped.
It was hell of a lot paining my ankle
got dislocated with the injury .I had hazy memory about what happened
in the morning. It tried to remember hard and make connections about
the happenings. Suddenly I felt a comforting touch , somebody gabbed
my hand with the soft hands , it was a relief to know somebody Is
there beside my hospital bed to help me. I turned my head slowly my
neck hurted a bit . But it was manageable , when I saw a familiar
face of my friend Aman . He had a stint of joy , smile on his face
and his eyes were teary . None of us poke for a moment , we wanted to
remain silent forever , I didn't wanted to know what happened
earlier this morning . He stood up and was going to leave , he strode
across the room and was about to exit , but came back and hugged me
and started crying . I didn't asked him neither he told me anything
about the happenings of the day . He just stood there taking me in
his arms and continued to cry for a long time. After an hour or so
the silence in the gloomy room was broken by the nurse, she came in
for a routine check up and told me that earlier this morning I was
brought here in unconscious condition , which was because of the
anxiety attack which I suffered because I saw blood oozing out from
a dead body of a bomb blast victim. she spoke like nothing has
happened I felt like I am again given a new scar on my soul . My
people again have suffered because of some misguided jihad-is . I
felt a pain in my heart , I could feel my opthalmic artery pounding
in my head gushing with the blood of vengeance I wanted to get out of
the bed and wanted to kill those bastards who killed my people my
friends father and now hi mother was dying with 96% burns ….. But
all the pounding stopped every thing felt silent only the sound I
could hear was of the cold January end wind blowing out on the fresh
snow . Only one fear was now in my head what Aman ha to tell me I
regarding amijann?.......the news should be good or else I will be
devastated again …...but now that will be forever..my senses of
affection will be doused off if any unfortunate thing happened to
her... Aman turned to me and looked with with the small strained
eyes of his and his silence told me all but still I couldn't believe
that the lady, the person who made me well versed with the
relationship of mother and defined a term family for me I no more and
was dead because of Militant bombing in cheeni chowk..
I was heart broken we two were sitting
in the room and staring at each other with teary eyes now I became
orphaned once more now the pain searing in my chest rose to throat
and became a lump I couldn't speak anything I couldn't console my
brother I cant hug him I froze in the chilly evening and laid there
still staring towards Aman.
We didn't talked for a two or three
days we didn't knew what to say to each other for a long time the
loss of mother was same for both of us we couldn't console each other
. The fire vengeance was avenging in me but Aman looked calmer and
contented with the condition of the valley . Soon he became
self-involved and He moved on with his life he left the studies and
started working at the lake in place of his mother in the shikara.. I
tried to convince him to study but all went down the drain he was too
broken to hear all anything. With the passage of time things started
to heal up but the memoirs were still were fresh the bombings,
bullets, militants lal chowk ke kisse keep on happening don't know
when it will end.
Opportunities for educated people were
shrinking with every passing day, so I decided to move away from
Kashmir after completing my graduation to Delhi as I was getting a
respectable job there in travel industry. I advised Aman to leave
with me to Delhi where he could have found a work but he imply denied
he wanted to live and take his last breath where his parent took
their's . he refused to come out of the rotting heaven on earth. With
a very heavy heart I took depart from the valley on august 23 19__
and came to delhi …......
Time passed 4 years later I came back
to valley to my orphanage's get together . It filled me with
happiness that I was getting a chance an excuse to visit my land
where I grew up. And moreover I was going to meet my friend Aman
again. I reached Kashmir,srinagar on 27 October 19__.
I passed from lal chowk , entire chowk
is was defaced now the building are torn down near the center of
activity in Kashmir. Army men were on each every corner of the road
and nowhere it look like my own beloved Kashmir which it used to look
few years back........
I traveled across the city to reach the
road and when I reached there I saw a kwateen in front of Aman's
house who was having a broom in her hand and was cleaning the house.
On asking her I came to know that lady in front of the house was the
wife of Aman , I told her about me , in an instant she told me about
me and Aman's adventures our stories of childhood and she told me
that Aman used to talk about our friendship and the time time we
spent together . Upon asking about the well being of Aman her joy
faded away he was no longer smiling and talking . Her eyes went numb
. I asked again about Aman. She then asked me to come with her he
guided me to a room ...it was a same room where her mother dead body
was found 5 year back ….he was lying on a bed and looked all weak
and wrecked ...his face lighted up upon seeing me... he kept on lying
on the bed and made no move to move and hug me ...i tried to say
salam wale kum and waited for his reply ...no reply came from other
side … I was baffled that what has happened to my friend . I looked
back at hi wife she standing on the doorway with her numb eyes//
Aman tried
to rise from bed but couldn't he tried to speak but it was just a hum
of some sound from his vocal cords I could hear....in this while
Aman's wife brought me a chair I sat near Aman and she sat on he bed
near Aman's feet , she started to tell that 3 year back when they got
married , a short while after Aman started having back pains and
started felling numbness in the toes … on the first diagnosis
doctors thought it was because of the strenuous nature of work of his
he I getting this problem....they advised to rest for few days …
which he did and felt somewhat better but soon after that in a week
or so he was unable to stand his feet went cold and he diagnosed by
paralysis...he was completely broken aafter that..according to
doctors it happened because of the condition named Lumbar
spinal steno sis which Is a rare disorder
in which the spinal cord vertebrates tarts narrowing down and the
patient looe the locomotion ability and then slowly a spinal column
narrow the nerves are pressed and the body ceases to function
…....and the patient and hi family has to wait till the time the
heart functioning ceases..
a lump formed in my throat I wanted to
vent out all my anger vengeance and agitation on the people because
of whom Aman suffered and wasn't able to all those things which a man
of his age would have had done …. but I had to control my feeling
because I have a friend to console..... I moved to outside in the
veranda to let the moment pass of me . What I should think in the
situation like this I was unable to comprehend what was happening
from last 1 hour to me it too much to ingest . I turned my back
to the room and got off the veranda stairs and stopped a rickshaw and
told him to go towards lal chowk . I turned my back from a friend
once again I didn't had enough courage to see in his eye and say
everything will be alright in a short while …
after I received the call of Aman's
wife informing me of demise of Aman I thought was It right on my part
to get off the curb after all those years of sharing and caring ….
