I am 78 years old retired north Indian , to be specific a Punjabi if you are interested in knowing my ethnicity may be that will help you better understand about me and my family. I am proud matured boy, proud of my achievements in my life proud of the kind of kids I have made them and proud too about my grandkids what they are in this mortal world. And yes to make a note I like to call myself a matured boy as I believe that immortal objects grow old and worn out people become experienced biased and irrational when they grow matured. Huh….and yet we call everything a part of that process as maturity……..one of the reason of these terms coined for people in age group like Buddha, Dokra, Budaa, Bujurag (all Hindi terms for denoting an elderly person though not very respectful) are to make elderly people an epitome of faith respect or to make them feel belittle, brittle and weak I still try to struggle with the real intrinsic meaning of these words.
I have a happy family of mine which is kind of a half joint family because one of my son lives in another part of the state as he is working there and living there with family. And the younger one lives with me here in our 1000 sq. ft. house along with the family. Yes, it was important to mention the size of the house in which I live, because it is one of the things amongst others for which I am proud of. I come from not a very financially privileged family .My father played a small part of Subedar in the Burma war while being in the British Army. He seldom use to come home may be once every 3 or 4 years. And we use to sit around and hear the stories of war which he use to share with everyone he used to meet in village while he stayed with us. I don’t remember having any father figure in my life for first 14 years in my life all I had in name of father was a person dressed in loose and tattered suits doing all the household chores, milking cows and selling milk to the neighbours, was my mother which I used to call BIBI (a respectful word used for women which I learnt in my Arabic class). I was taught in government schools where I felt in love with the calligraphically attractive Urdu and Persian in the very formative years for this love I sacrificed a lot on the personal front let go off my needs to acquire more of the former. Later this love with words would become my trade, but that part comes later before that I complete my school which in those days meant to clear standard 10th exams. After which one either has to go to city or Lahore if by chance you are lucky enough to get admission in the Lahore College of Arts. But I was not prepared yet to do that as I told you earlier about my father’s participation in the family affairs was near to negligible, I wouldn’t completely give all the credit to my father there were other contributors to this delay which I forgot to tell you that I also had 3 younger siblings in my house out whom one was girl, the youngest one. And on top of all the major reason of discontinued studies was the money orders from Burma had started thinning and becoming erratic. The reason of which I would come to know later when Bapu returned after getting discharged from the Royal service that he had started taking opium for his spinal pains form the time when he got a bullet wound in his lower spinal region while being on front. But one thing I notice years later while giving him a back massage with a special oil from Hakim’s that he never had any wound on his back ,his back was as smooth as a newly mud plastered pot. Which started as an excuse for medicine later on continued till he died in his bed at night which was around 55 years after I called him Bapu (father or dad). I still think that there were some unsaid things between me and Bapu I used to see despair and disappointment in his eyes when he used to see me working with my mother for earning money. And he used to be there on the bed lying on his back thinking of something I don’t know what? May be he thinks what I should do with my life what I should do with my children’s life to make it better or may be these are thoughts of head my head, which were resonating in my mind to make my family’s life better. A year later everything would come clear when my father called and asked me that would like to run a business with me? I thought for a while I was in dilemma whether he is giving me a business idea so that I would work on it or he is trying to seek my approval, the power of giving my approval would must have attributed to my current role in the family. But whatever the thoughts at that time were doesn’t matter because saying yes to that was only option I had got at that time. So later on till the following year I was proud of first thing that was me and my dad’s thriving business of small retail general store which was the only one in the entire area. The same year my father called me once again asked me by taking my name, what do you want to become in your life son?
To which I didn’t replied at first but the patience of this man was like a sheep…….so after a long pause there was no option I had to speak…..
I wanted to pursue studies further by going out of the village to some city or to Lahore. I wanted to become a writer and write about things.
So why don’t you?
Because Bapu we have got a business to handle house to take care off, there are 3 other who need much more than I.
You don’t worry son now I am here I will take care of all this you go and fulfil your dreams.
I was afraid to look up on his face, I didn’t knew what his expression of responsibility would look like.
So I didn’t looked up sat there for a while silently and stared the ant on the mud floor trying to infer where that ant was going and why it is moving so fast what’s it trying to find?
Later on several days will pass since we talked I have lost the time frame, please forgive me of my matureness. But the day came soon when I applied for the Lahore College of Arts and got admission due to my credentials. Later on 6 years will pass until I return home after finishing Master of Arts in Persian and Urdu language. After 4 years of returning home I started feeling discontentment form my teaching life, I felt my dreams are bigger, my stories were longer, and my words were refined for the government school students. I needed to breath for a while, I wanted to explore for a while so I planned to go to city to hunt for a better job in a newly opened university. But there was condition form Bibi that I will only let you go if you marry a girl who according to her keep me accompanied and would take care of me in the big life of city. So as the custom demanded I couldn’t say no to elders. So I was wedded, on 20 Jan of 1948 to a much younger girl who I knew from Bibi was named ‘Satoo’. I didn’t even had a look of her face before getting married everything was fixed by Satoo’s elder brother and Bibi’s elder brother. I was sitting in my wedding clueless, as in those days we used not to have so many options of interaction with opposite sex or a luxury of Court ship period. So I and Satoo came to the City where we stayed at Gurudwara’s inn for two days. During which I had to walk to the university campus to enquire about my application of candidature. On third day I finally got my letter of recruitment which was not much of a surprise because other people for the post of Lecturer were not aptly qualified for the post, whereas I was being considered as an overqualified candidate for the job……
My family has multiplied like amoeba from the time we have shifted to city, we have shown a year on year growth of 100%. In three years I had three kids. And they were growing at a rapid rate away from the village’s life of hard work here, they were in city enjoying what I didn’t the prime of life: Youth. I didn’t looked back for few years though tried keeping contact to parents via letters and for special times in last three years I used Telegrams which they told me that they flaunted in the village I think they were more happy receiving the telegram than the subject matter of it. I used to tell them frequently to come and stay here in city with me and Satoo but every time I received a reply “not now”. Later on after around 10 years I asked Bibi and Bapu to come again and they agreed too. It was big change in our life we thought so but one thing we didn’t knew why the sudden change of mind happened ,which on their arrival I got to know. My mother was suffering from a rare neural problem which at that time I didn’t knew what is called? But 8 years from then I would found out from a doctor at the newly opened dispensary at campus that the problem is called Parkinson’s syndrome but I didn’t felt regret of losing my mother to some unknown disease because he also told me that this syndrome is irreversible. University quarters were small and large enough to house three adults, now where 4 adults and three children were getting older in an exponential manner. Soon after parents came to the city I started looking for a bigger place to stay after a month or so we shifted to a rented accommodation which was little away from campus I had to travel by local bus to reach campus but new place was much more airy and had enough room all 7 of us. Few years would now pass I don’t know exactly how much but a significant period of time when I got a loan sanctioned Rs. 8,000 from university to acquire land and build house on 1000 sq. ft. area. By that time my eldest son would be studying Masters of Arts and younger would be completing his graduation in a regional college and after sometime would have gone by and then my youngest kid (Daughter), would have been married to the business man of another city much bigger than ours.
My family was living a happy life in our new house which took around three and a half years to complete, by that time my elder son would be married and shifted to another part of the state as he will be working there and living with his family till he retires from the present job. In the meantime the year is 1970 when my younger son married off to the love of his life. I and Satoo were a little sceptical of the idea of love marriage at first but then one of my friend while discussing my dilemma brought my degrees and prestigious job in between my decision so I had to take less taken road of those times. Within 6 years of both my son’s marriage we had a typical thriving Indian family with two children each and their fathers holding good paying jobs which ensured the best life for their off-springs. My third source of proud: my well settled sons.
Soon after my retirement I started feeling aged and wrinkly. Now when I see myself in mirror I touch my skin near to the eyes there I could see pockets of fat and wrinkles……….I think I am turning Budha now and soon younger people would start calling me by all those different names which were meant for the frail old people. I tried to delay those days by working endlessly in my personal library on writing novels, stories, and poems. I also used to attend some conferences on linguistics, which helped me to be in touch of younger people.
As I told earlier about my third proud, they are my proud because of the care and reverence they give to me and Satoo. They are worried of any minor health issue or some minor fever which we knew is not going to turn into pneumonia or typhoid. I have everything one would ask for in his life.
Living in a country like India it’s surprising that people of relatively younger ages know so less about matured people. There is stereotype that all elderly people have a hearing problem, they have problem in communication as they think we can’t put what all we feel, in a line or expressible sentence even if one would have spent an entire lifetime putting feelings, characters and rhymes in formations. You have to spell out your last held position at doctor’s office if you have gone for general check-up because he is extremely polite or putting it this that he is way more polite than he would be to his own father just because you are treated as a patient even if you are just a matured person. I don’t know what all I would be learning form my years of maturity, may be this age will be able to give me another source of proud or my days pride will come to an end at count of three?
I have a happy family of mine which is kind of a half joint family because one of my son lives in another part of the state as he is working there and living there with family. And the younger one lives with me here in our 1000 sq. ft. house along with the family. Yes, it was important to mention the size of the house in which I live, because it is one of the things amongst others for which I am proud of. I come from not a very financially privileged family .My father played a small part of Subedar in the Burma war while being in the British Army. He seldom use to come home may be once every 3 or 4 years. And we use to sit around and hear the stories of war which he use to share with everyone he used to meet in village while he stayed with us. I don’t remember having any father figure in my life for first 14 years in my life all I had in name of father was a person dressed in loose and tattered suits doing all the household chores, milking cows and selling milk to the neighbours, was my mother which I used to call BIBI (a respectful word used for women which I learnt in my Arabic class). I was taught in government schools where I felt in love with the calligraphically attractive Urdu and Persian in the very formative years for this love I sacrificed a lot on the personal front let go off my needs to acquire more of the former. Later this love with words would become my trade, but that part comes later before that I complete my school which in those days meant to clear standard 10th exams. After which one either has to go to city or Lahore if by chance you are lucky enough to get admission in the Lahore College of Arts. But I was not prepared yet to do that as I told you earlier about my father’s participation in the family affairs was near to negligible, I wouldn’t completely give all the credit to my father there were other contributors to this delay which I forgot to tell you that I also had 3 younger siblings in my house out whom one was girl, the youngest one. And on top of all the major reason of discontinued studies was the money orders from Burma had started thinning and becoming erratic. The reason of which I would come to know later when Bapu returned after getting discharged from the Royal service that he had started taking opium for his spinal pains form the time when he got a bullet wound in his lower spinal region while being on front. But one thing I notice years later while giving him a back massage with a special oil from Hakim’s that he never had any wound on his back ,his back was as smooth as a newly mud plastered pot. Which started as an excuse for medicine later on continued till he died in his bed at night which was around 55 years after I called him Bapu (father or dad). I still think that there were some unsaid things between me and Bapu I used to see despair and disappointment in his eyes when he used to see me working with my mother for earning money. And he used to be there on the bed lying on his back thinking of something I don’t know what? May be he thinks what I should do with my life what I should do with my children’s life to make it better or may be these are thoughts of head my head, which were resonating in my mind to make my family’s life better. A year later everything would come clear when my father called and asked me that would like to run a business with me? I thought for a while I was in dilemma whether he is giving me a business idea so that I would work on it or he is trying to seek my approval, the power of giving my approval would must have attributed to my current role in the family. But whatever the thoughts at that time were doesn’t matter because saying yes to that was only option I had got at that time. So later on till the following year I was proud of first thing that was me and my dad’s thriving business of small retail general store which was the only one in the entire area. The same year my father called me once again asked me by taking my name, what do you want to become in your life son?
To which I didn’t replied at first but the patience of this man was like a sheep…….so after a long pause there was no option I had to speak…..
I wanted to pursue studies further by going out of the village to some city or to Lahore. I wanted to become a writer and write about things.
So why don’t you?
Because Bapu we have got a business to handle house to take care off, there are 3 other who need much more than I.
You don’t worry son now I am here I will take care of all this you go and fulfil your dreams.
I was afraid to look up on his face, I didn’t knew what his expression of responsibility would look like.
So I didn’t looked up sat there for a while silently and stared the ant on the mud floor trying to infer where that ant was going and why it is moving so fast what’s it trying to find?
Later on several days will pass since we talked I have lost the time frame, please forgive me of my matureness. But the day came soon when I applied for the Lahore College of Arts and got admission due to my credentials. Later on 6 years will pass until I return home after finishing Master of Arts in Persian and Urdu language. After 4 years of returning home I started feeling discontentment form my teaching life, I felt my dreams are bigger, my stories were longer, and my words were refined for the government school students. I needed to breath for a while, I wanted to explore for a while so I planned to go to city to hunt for a better job in a newly opened university. But there was condition form Bibi that I will only let you go if you marry a girl who according to her keep me accompanied and would take care of me in the big life of city. So as the custom demanded I couldn’t say no to elders. So I was wedded, on 20 Jan of 1948 to a much younger girl who I knew from Bibi was named ‘Satoo’. I didn’t even had a look of her face before getting married everything was fixed by Satoo’s elder brother and Bibi’s elder brother. I was sitting in my wedding clueless, as in those days we used not to have so many options of interaction with opposite sex or a luxury of Court ship period. So I and Satoo came to the City where we stayed at Gurudwara’s inn for two days. During which I had to walk to the university campus to enquire about my application of candidature. On third day I finally got my letter of recruitment which was not much of a surprise because other people for the post of Lecturer were not aptly qualified for the post, whereas I was being considered as an overqualified candidate for the job……
My family has multiplied like amoeba from the time we have shifted to city, we have shown a year on year growth of 100%. In three years I had three kids. And they were growing at a rapid rate away from the village’s life of hard work here, they were in city enjoying what I didn’t the prime of life: Youth. I didn’t looked back for few years though tried keeping contact to parents via letters and for special times in last three years I used Telegrams which they told me that they flaunted in the village I think they were more happy receiving the telegram than the subject matter of it. I used to tell them frequently to come and stay here in city with me and Satoo but every time I received a reply “not now”. Later on after around 10 years I asked Bibi and Bapu to come again and they agreed too. It was big change in our life we thought so but one thing we didn’t knew why the sudden change of mind happened ,which on their arrival I got to know. My mother was suffering from a rare neural problem which at that time I didn’t knew what is called? But 8 years from then I would found out from a doctor at the newly opened dispensary at campus that the problem is called Parkinson’s syndrome but I didn’t felt regret of losing my mother to some unknown disease because he also told me that this syndrome is irreversible. University quarters were small and large enough to house three adults, now where 4 adults and three children were getting older in an exponential manner. Soon after parents came to the city I started looking for a bigger place to stay after a month or so we shifted to a rented accommodation which was little away from campus I had to travel by local bus to reach campus but new place was much more airy and had enough room all 7 of us. Few years would now pass I don’t know exactly how much but a significant period of time when I got a loan sanctioned Rs. 8,000 from university to acquire land and build house on 1000 sq. ft. area. By that time my eldest son would be studying Masters of Arts and younger would be completing his graduation in a regional college and after sometime would have gone by and then my youngest kid (Daughter), would have been married to the business man of another city much bigger than ours.
My family was living a happy life in our new house which took around three and a half years to complete, by that time my elder son would be married and shifted to another part of the state as he will be working there and living with his family till he retires from the present job. In the meantime the year is 1970 when my younger son married off to the love of his life. I and Satoo were a little sceptical of the idea of love marriage at first but then one of my friend while discussing my dilemma brought my degrees and prestigious job in between my decision so I had to take less taken road of those times. Within 6 years of both my son’s marriage we had a typical thriving Indian family with two children each and their fathers holding good paying jobs which ensured the best life for their off-springs. My third source of proud: my well settled sons.
Soon after my retirement I started feeling aged and wrinkly. Now when I see myself in mirror I touch my skin near to the eyes there I could see pockets of fat and wrinkles……….I think I am turning Budha now and soon younger people would start calling me by all those different names which were meant for the frail old people. I tried to delay those days by working endlessly in my personal library on writing novels, stories, and poems. I also used to attend some conferences on linguistics, which helped me to be in touch of younger people.
As I told earlier about my third proud, they are my proud because of the care and reverence they give to me and Satoo. They are worried of any minor health issue or some minor fever which we knew is not going to turn into pneumonia or typhoid. I have everything one would ask for in his life.
Living in a country like India it’s surprising that people of relatively younger ages know so less about matured people. There is stereotype that all elderly people have a hearing problem, they have problem in communication as they think we can’t put what all we feel, in a line or expressible sentence even if one would have spent an entire lifetime putting feelings, characters and rhymes in formations. You have to spell out your last held position at doctor’s office if you have gone for general check-up because he is extremely polite or putting it this that he is way more polite than he would be to his own father just because you are treated as a patient even if you are just a matured person. I don’t know what all I would be learning form my years of maturity, may be this age will be able to give me another source of proud or my days pride will come to an end at count of three?
